Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Birth story

So here goes Brielle Elaine's birth story into this wonderful world! It's a long one so brace yourself!! The Sunday after my due date (which was the Thursday before) my husband and I went for a walk. It's the middle of July so it was an extremely hot walk! Contraction started every 10 to 12 minutes! I was overly excited and hopeful that my baby girl would be in my arms soon enough... I couldn't wait, considering I was already 3 days over my due date! The contractions stayed 10 minutes apart until Wednesday morning at 3am. I was already exhausted after being in labor for almost 3 days and being 6 days over due I was pretty much ready for Brielle to pop out at any moment! The contractions were more intense and were coming about every 6 to 7 minutes apart and I couldn't have been more happy. So I decided to get in the bath and relax. It was pretty strange sitting in that warm water and realizing that my baby girl was trying to make her way into this world! After the bath I tried to rest but rest is hard when you are so excited and not to mention in pain! The day went on and the contractions just kept coming but I wanted them to get a lot stronger so Brennan and I decided to walk around target at about 3pm. It was funny when we were walking around because Brennan's mom and little sisters were there, doing back to school shopping.  I was a bit embarrassed because at this point I defiantly looked the part of a women who had been laboring for a while. Wonderfully target did end up being a great place to go for a walk because the best thing happened, my water started leaking! I was pretty much overjoyed because that had to mean baby girl would be here soon right?! So my contractions started getting stronger and as soon as 11pm hit they were down to 2 or 3 minutes apart. I felt like it was time to go to the hospital. The pain never seemed to be intolerable and I was thankful for that.

Brennan and I jumped in the car with our bags packed and we were on our way to mercy Gilbert hospital. In the car I was overwhelmed at the thought that this would be the last car ride without my sweet beautiful baby. When we arrived to the hospital we went through the ER and checked in. Moments later they wheeled me up to triage. When my midwife Janice came in to check me I was only dilated to a 3 and 100% effaced and to say the least I was very disappointed and I begged her to let me go home and labor more in the comfort of my own bed, but since my water had broken they couldn't let me leave! So we were told to walk around the hospital for an hour and then go to bed.  Janice explained to me that if my contractions did not get me more dilated by 3pm the next day I would have to be induced and I felt my very inside crumble.  I was in a complete panic and wanted to run! I was so upset and so exhausted I wished I was at home having a home birth. I DID NOT WANT TO BE INDUCED IN ANY WAY! I was pretty convinced that in no way I would be.  My husband and I walked for an hour and prayed like crazy! After our walk the nurse told us to try to get some sleep and of course I couldn't fall asleep to save my life I was to excited, frustrated and overwhelmed not to mention my contractions were still regular but I felt like my body was failing me by not having these contractions be more intense... that night I prayed for pain! The pain that would set  my baby free from inside me.  Praying for pain is a weird thing to do but it seemed necessary at this point in time.

Being pregnant for over 9 months gave me plenty of time time to research and determine the kind of birth I wanted.  I had taken a 12 week course on the Bradley method. It helped me to know what was best for my baby.  I knew what was best for me emotionally and physically I had done all I could to prepare for this huge moment.  Having a baby is like running a marathon I have heard.  You cannot expect to show up with no preparation and hope to be ready to run the race with enough energy and endurance and I had done so much to be ready for Brielle.  I tracked my food each day, I walked everyday, I did strengthening exercises for my mind and body, my husband was so involved and I knew what I wanted the most unmediated birth a women could experience.  So WHY was my body failing me.  The thought of needing pitocin haunted me all through the night.  The nurse even told me with first time moms she has never seen a women only be dilated at a 3 and not need pitocin to help contraction get stronger in a timely fashion (since my water broke they were worried about infections so I was on a time frame) I hated her for saying that it was the most cruel thing anyone could say to me at that time... so yes like I said that night I prayed for pain.

When the sun started rising, I was even more anxious to get this baby out. I was told even worse news my contractions had gotten father apart, back to 10 minutes apart.  I was devastated and my poor husband had to experience my back lash from all the emotions I was feeling and he handled me so amazingly. Husbands are amazing people!  To many times mine has held me together when I felt like falling apart!

A little while later my mom stopped by that morning with some bagels for breakfast and said a couple encouraging words. My midwife came in at 10am and said the same thing that we had until 3pm and she would pray for strong contractions for me.  At 12pm she told me her shift would be ending and Laura would be coming in to take over.  So my husband had me get up and we walked and walked and bounced on the birth ball and did all we could to get my labor going so I didn't have to have pitocin, and I could stay in control of my body and have the birth I wanted.

The next part is a miracle and I testify that there really is a God and He made my body wonderful!  It wasn't failing me it was working in its own way and I was thankful for the knowledge I had of powerful prayer because he heard me and at 12pm my contractions were unbearable! Laura came in and checked me and I was at a 5 and well on my way to active labor. I was able to get in the warm water of the tub and relax as each contraction came on stronger and stronger.  As my body started to launch its self in to full on delivery I could feel my mind becoming more focused and in tune with what my body needed to do.  The body is a beautiful thing that works in such magnificent ways. The water was a blessing sent from above and I was thankful for it.  I was able to jump back and forth from the warm water of the tub to a steaming hot shower that was also able to take away the pain with each contraction.  It is pretty impressive that my whole life I grew up hearing how horrible natural or unmediated child birth was and as I was experiencing it I never felt more in control, empowered and at peace than at the moment.  Don't get me wrong the pain did hurt but I managed to keep the bigger picture in my mind and knew with each contraction, meant Brielle was that much closer to being in my arms, and as a mother there is no stronger, more driven thought than to hold your baby in your arms. Not to mention I have the most amazing husband! He is more than I could have ever even asked for, he is better than any dream I could have ever dreamt. He is a huge reason why I was able to handle the pain of labor. After a couple hours in the tub I could feel something change drastically! I could feel my body transitioning. My confidence seemed to  be weary and all of a sudden I wanted to give up and go home! I had learned in my birthing class this is a sure sign that baby was well on the way and pushing would happen soon. Even knowing that I felt so scared to go forward but sure enough a few moments later I felt the urge to push... So I did just that! I stared pushing around 6pm So I pushed and I pushed and pushed! I pushed in the tub, I pushed in the bed, I pushed in the shower on the toilet on the floor, EVERYWHERE! I pushed squaring I pushed laying I pushed standing and hunched over! I pushed in so many positions I can't even remember! The contractions kept coming and coming and still no baby. Before I knew it 4 hours had past and I felt like my hospital stay had been another life! Something was wrong at this point so my midwife checked me and I was only at 9cm dilated! I was devastated after pushing so hard for so long! The midwife told me I needed to stop pushing with each contraction and let my body relax more so I could dilate to a 10.

Never in my life have I ever wanted to die but at that very moment I can honestly say I felt like I wished I had. As horrible as that is to say the pain was horrendous! I never felt real pain until this point! Trying not to push when my body was trying so hard to push was beyond difficult! I had to fight the urge of the only thing that seemed to give my body relief!! I was desperate to not feel pain, I was desperate to get some rest and have energy, I was desperate to push, I was desperate to feel in control, I was desperate to bring my daughter into this world the best way I saw fit. I was desperate to have her in my arms and to make sense of this all. That some how in all the cruelty and pain of the situation, that for whatever reason my body was working against me, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

How ironic is child birth! We women experience months of discomfort and changes only to be blessed with the purest joy this world has to offer! And so I didn't push I fought the urge I hung on with all I had! I sat in the steamy shower and tried not to pass out from exhaustion and the heat and the pain. Even though I was convinced passing out would have been better so then they could cut me open and get my baby out! And this whole ordeal would be over and no one would be the wiser. I would eventually wake up after passing out, of course not right a way because after being in labor over 50 hours and pushing for over 4 of those hours and then not pushing for another almost 3 hours means, I would need some rest but when I would awake and my baby would be cut out of me and I would be happy to have her in my arms. She would be perfect and smiling and yes that sounded so desirable so magnificent! And then I hated myself for thinking those thoughts! I felt like a coward! I would do whatever it took to bring my baby into this world. I would sacrifice ever inch of my sanity and body for this little angel inside me! At that moment I knew I would never question if I would love my daughter... People who don't love someone, would never sacrifice so much to protect and fight for something so meaningless... No this was meaningful!
So as I said I didn't push for almost 3 hours and even though I wanted to die... I didn't! My midwife checked me and there was still no progress and I felt like I could barely hang on. I was still only dilated to a 9 which meant Brielle still wasn't here yet and my body was still feeling the pain! 

At that point my midwife suggested things outside of my birth plan which I was thankful for! She suggested I get an epidural so my body could relax and get to a 10 and I could get some much needed rest. I was somewhat relieved I felt like I had given Brielle the fair chance I could, at an unmediated birth. I spent so much time praying for an unmediated birth but plans do change and life teaches us to be flexible, and even though to this day I will never plan on getting an epidural with my other children's births, I am thankful for modern medicine because it saved me in this situation! So at around 1am I received an epidural. The Anesthesiologist showed up within 10 minutes of me agreeing to the epidural and as soon as the needle went in (which I literally felt nothing) I started feeling numb since they loaded me up with a heavy dose I guess that is suppose to work instantly. The epidural was heavenly compared to the pain I had been in! I felt a little more renewed and more like myself after that and the doctor joked with me that I was allowed to get an epidural before I was 9cm dilated next time. It made me laugh and it felt so nice to laugh and not be focused on the pain. 

Everyone left the room so my husband and I could get some rest and so at around 3 am my midwife was back checking in on me to see how far I was and even after 2 hours of rest and feeling relaxed I was still only at a 9 and so they left me alone for a little while longer. About an hour later I was FINALLY at a plus 3, I was celebrating!! I started pushing and with a few pushes I could see Brielle's head in the mirror! On a side not I am a nice wife because I let me husband sleep while I pushed! So again I pushed and I pushed and I pushed and I could see her head but she wasn't moving any further and I was getting frustrated and determined to get her out! I didn't like pushing with the epidural because I couldn't really feel what I was doing so I wasn't sure if I was pushing productively. After pushing for another 3 hours or so and having me move in different positions on the bed they realized Brielle wasn't coming out because she was turned sideways! My first thought was oh my goodness there is no way this is happening right now... Haven't I been through enough? Hasn't my baby been through enough? We were both fighting so hard to meet each other on this earth for the first time and it felt like everything was getting in our way! So they brought in a doctor named Dr. Adams and she was nice and kind. I instantly trusted her, thank goodness since I have a phobia of doctors and I especially didn't want one in my delivery room but it was necessary for her to come in and try to turn Brielle the correct way! 

When Dr. Adams arrived in the room I was almost positive she would say I needed a c-section! After being in labor for hours and pushing for a total of almost 7.5 hours. I was sure a c-section was in my future. However she said she was going to turn Brielle and this is when I was thankful for an epidural. She turned Brielle and said she would give me 30 more minutes to push her out! Well this 30 minutes went by and baby didn't move. Dr. Adams could not feel which way Brielle's head was when she turned her so she turn her posterior making delivery even harder, and to my dismay I was by far devastated. And yet again I was faced with a decision far outside my birth plan. My baby needed to come and I was exhausted! I think at this point I had been very patient but there was worry in the doctor's eyes. Every time I had a contraction the cord would tighten around Brielle's neck making it hard for her to receive oxygen. I was on oxygen and giving her all I could give but it was time she needed to be here. And so my decision needed to be made either to vacuum her out or to have a c-section. I knew I did not want to have a c-section but I also knew having her vacuumed could be dangerous. My doctor seemed so confident that Brielle could be vacuumed out safely and easily. So my husband and I chose to have her vacuumed, and instantly the room changed! They had a whole table out with so many different looking "tools". Nurses were flooding in the room! There were at least 3 nurses for me and 3 for Brielle and I was a little nervous to say the least. 

With my next contraction Dr. Adams began to vacuum Brielle out. Even with an epidural I could still feel the pain but I was to excited with the hopes that Brielle would actually be here any moment, I could honestly care less! It took 3 sets of contraction with me pushing 3 time within each contraction before Brielle finally came out and when she did I could not believe it! All I could scream out was "my baby my baby"! She was instantly placed on my chest and I was in complete bliss! I imagine heaven to be just like that moment! Tears were rolling down my face and it was one of the few times I've ever seen my husband cry! We both had gone through so much in those last couple of days to get our perfect, beautiful, precious baby girl into this world! She was beyond worth it! I swear holding her time just stopped or my heart stopped or maybe even both! I was never so thankful then to know she was healthy and safe in my arms! After a few minutes they let Brennan cut the cord the last thing keeping her attached to my body and I realized she was really in this world! 

Making a human and bringing them into this world is life changing! I still have marks on my body that I am pretty sure will never go away and I now see this world in such a different light!  There is more beauty now in the world because I am blessed with a happy, sweet, and loving child!  Brielle Elaine Nansel is so much more then I could ever imagine and her existence makes mine so much more meaningful!  Even though that day I was blessed to help give her life, she was able to give me a better way to live mine!!








1 comment:

  1. What an eventful birth story! You're such a trooper. Your little Brielle is absolutely adorable! Thanks for sharing! We're so excited to meet our baby girl in August!

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